Spilling the financial beans…
I know this sounds funny but…
I’m a very private person.
Stop laughing. I’m serious.
I don’t mind sharing things with all of you but when it comes to sharing things with family… my lips are sealed.
I haven’t exactly shared our financial situation with Chris’ grandparents. You know, the ones who told us not to get in debt?
They are lovely people but… I didn’t want them to look at me and nod their heads in shame – that or wish their beloved grandson hadn’t married this credit card addicted hoodlum.
I was lucky enough to dine with them last Friday and I talked about everything… except money of course.
‘Lovely weather lately huh?’
‘How about those Chargers? Wish they won.’
‘How are you feeling these days?’
I breathed a sigh of relief as we dropped them off at their home and started to say goodbye…
Until my husband sat down and started talking about…….
M-O-N-E-Y.
I wanted to strangle him. It was as if he were telling my dog loving mother that we had a history of puppy killing.
I can’t necessarily blame him. He’s excited about our financial plan and he’s proud of our progress but…
I’m not going to lie, I considered jumping across the table to tackle him to silence.
I wanted to scream out and defend myself. I wanted to say, ‘I’m not a shoe or purse gal… I just like vacationing…and remodeled bathrooms… and buying your grandson TV’s…and the smell of new cars!’ But I realized…
It didn’t matter. I had still done exactly what they had told us not to do. It didn’t matter why.
There was a long uncomfortable silence before his grandpa asked about our plans and offered suggestions on how to pay things off faster.
I could feel his disappointment.
If nothing else, it reminded me of the importance of what we’re doing and ignited yet another fire under my butt to stretch myself more.
Tell someone about your financial situation.
Tell someone you know will ask you about it.
Tell someone… knowing full well it will annoy you. That annoyance may be the motivation you need.
Popularity: 14% [?]
Posted: January 27th, 2009 under Credit Score, Debt Reduction, Life in General, Personality, Saving Money.
Comments: 9
Comments
Comment from mikey
Time: January 27, 2009, 8:38 am
good thing that this disappointment from him (and most actually) come from a deep love for the other person…desiring only the best for them. i’m sure that was his intent with you guys…press on!! 
Comment from Jay Gatsby
Time: January 27, 2009, 9:37 am
Your husband shouldn’t have brought up the subject of money, but you shouldn’t have gotten upset about it. You did realize that it was your fault, and there was no excuse for your behavior. This was a good psychological first step. Your second step was to take the shame you felt and turn it into an additional source of motivation. Now you must be careful about backsliding. Perhaps one day, when you achieve your financial goal, you’ll take tremendous pride in your accomplishment. Use that pride now as an additional motivator. Visualize a $0 dollar balance on your credit cards and other balances (even your mortgage). Make saving money a source of pride as well, but be careful not to go overboard into deprivation.
Failing to control one’s finances is no different than failing to control other aspects of one’s life, such as smoking, drinking too much, eating unhealthy food, not exercising, irrational anger, etc… Living a responsible life is all about self-control.
Comment from Nika
Time: January 27, 2009, 9:47 am
I think often being a “private person” is about keeping defences up.
One has to examine why. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons, but very often it is about pride, sense of control, wanting to be seen in a certain way…
If truth makes one uncomfortable and embarassed — than I think it is not about being private.
Projecting an image that does not correspond to reality, even though it is not outright lying, is an attempt to deceive, and it impacts on our self-worth even if we don’t realize it.
That is why is it a relief to be truthful.
Comment from Joan
Time: January 27, 2009, 10:23 am
So did Grandpa have some ideas you could use?
Comment from Nicole
Time: January 27, 2009, 10:48 am
Man, if you think you’re bad with your money, there is no hope for me:)
Comment from Jessica
Time: January 27, 2009, 11:49 am
Hey Bek,
Try Dave Ramsey. Look him up on line, download some of his radio shows or listen live. Heck, call in to the show and he’ll tell you exactly how to get debt free based on what you owe and how long it’ll take.
Remember too, my dad, in part, does this for a living…setting up goals and budgets. A lot rubbed off on me so if you need a third party (mind) to go over it with, I could probably help you set up an awesome plan. If ever you need, I know a couple of people that have my number:) Jess (Lennon, in case you know 50 other Jessica’s)
Comment from Devin Elder
Time: January 27, 2009, 1:20 pm
We found it was the hardest thing to be open about our finances after we got married. In fact talking about it the first time got me pretty angry… weird how that works.
I’m really glad we did though, we’re closer now than before and we’re knocking out debt
Keep up the good work.
Comment from Lizzie
Time: January 29, 2009, 6:06 pm
I’m with you, I’d have been steaming….
Write a comment